Falling in love with someone new can be the most euphoric feeling in the world, and just when we thought we couldn’t be any happier, that special someone tells us they want to be with us, too. It’s something so precious and rare that many of us often feel as if we would do anything to keep this person in our lives. Like we could move heaven and earth and split the sea down in the middle just to be with them. After all, there’s a reason why they say “love conquers all”.
But what if it isn’t really love? What if this person you feel so strongly for doesn’t actually feel the same way? What if you’re sacrificing it all for the wrong one?
Love is a deep and complex emotion, and it’s not one we have much control over. We don’t decide who to fall in love with or how to feel about someone, so it can’t be helped when we fall for the wrong person sometimes. What matters most is that we know who’s worth letting into our hearts and who’s not, who really loves us and who’s just pretending.
So here are 8 definitive signs that can help you tell the difference between true love and fake love:
1. They Change You
Ever since you started dating your partner, all you ever hear from your friends is how “you’ve changed”. They say you seem less lively and upbeat now, that you’ve lost your usual confidence, wit, or charm. Whatever the change may be, you know in your heart it’s not for the better. But your partner makes you feel like you have to change who you are or hide certain aspects of yourself just to please them. You never feel like you can really be yourself around them, and that’s a definite red flag! Because true love doesn’t change you into a completely different person. It doesn’t take away from your shine or your spirit. It’s supposed to bring out all your best qualities and make you more of who you already are.
2. They Try To Control You
Some people say that they’re not ready to commit just yet because they don’t want to be tied down to another person. But in a healthy relationship, you and your partner don’t control one another. You maintain your independence and respect each other’s individuality. But your partner seems to have other ideas. They tell you who you can and can’t go out with, what you can and can’t wear, or what time you need to be home. They’re the ones who get to choose where you go or where you eat or what you do together. But true love has boundaries and it lets you be free to be your own person, and fake love doesn’t.
3. They Don’t Trust You
Another sign of immature and unhealthy love is constant, unreasonable jealousy. Your partner doesn’t have faith in you and they don’t believe you’ll stay loyal to them. They don’t feel comfortable letting you hang out with your friends (especially of the opposite gender) when they’re not around. They don’t want you spending too much time away from them and need to know where you are or what you’re doing all the time. They don’t respect your privacy and read all your texts/messages just to get some peace of mind. They’re distrustful, wary, and overly suspicious.
4. They Don’t Prioritize You
Do you and your significant other barely see each other anymore? Do they take forever to reply to your texts? Or frequently cancel on you at the last minute because “something came up”? No matter how understanding you might try to be with them, you need to realize that all of these behaviors show that your partner doesn’t see you as a priority in their life. Because no matter how busy they say they are, if they really love you and want to be with you, they’ll do their best to make time. They’ll make the effort to be there for you and spend time with you instead of just giving you empty excuses and half-hearted promises.
5. They’re Emotionally Distant
If you and your partner can’t connect with one another on an emotional level, then it’s a good sign that they don’t really love you. Because how can you love someone you don’t understand? Your partner doesn’t open up to you or share their feelings with you. They’re cold, distant, and detached. They don’t comfort you when you’re down or share your happiness at your success. There’s nothing deep or meaningful about your relationship. And sure, it takes time to build that kind of emotional intimacy with someone, but your partner isn’t even trying! It’s like they’re a stone wall that you’re never going to be able to climb, not unless they let down their guard with you.
6. They Seem Uninterested
Aside from being emotionally distant, your partner just doesn’t seem interested in you or your life. They don’t ask you about your interest, passions, or goals. They’re not curious about your thoughts and feelings, and they don’t make any effort to get to know you better. They seem bored whenever you talk about your friends or family, and they never make plans together with you. But while fake love is apathetic and uninvolved, a partner who truly loves you will be curious about you, passionate about you, and care enough to get to know you.
7. They Don’t Meet You Halfway
In your relationship, do you adjust your schedule around your partner’s? And do what they like more often than what you like? Are you constantly doing favors for them? Or sacrificing your time, energy, or other important things in your life just to make them happy? If your significant other truly loves you, they’ll be willing to meet you half-way and compromise. But instead, they’re happy to just let you do all the emotional labor in the relationship and shoulder all the responsibilities. They’re selfish and only care about themselves.
8. They Easily Give Up On You
Finally, the most glaring sign of fake love you need to look out for is how quickly your partner is to call it quits with you. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, but if every little disagreement has your partner saying they “can’t do this anymore”, then they don’t really love you. They’re not interested in talking things out, giving second chances, or trying to find a solution together. Because their first instinct is always to just throw the towel in and give up completely. Which just goes to show they don’t really care whether the relationship works or fails.