Many guys will understand the under-utilized strength of a woman’s little finger.
Women’s jaws would drop if they could eavesdrop on my conversations with married guys.
Our discussions contradict pretty much each misconception wives utter approximately their husbands.
Husbands don’t want to hurt. They don’t need to argue. They don’t want to control.
And they virtually don’t “just want sex”.
These guys are desperate for her to recognize the truth. And they shed tears at the notion that their wife may in no way WANT to recognize the truth.
The Power in Her Little Finger
The truth for these guys lies in the end of her little finger finger.
In that finger is packed an unspeakable strength many wives pick out to disregard or have not begun to discover.
It’s so simple and so tender that men are afraid to even ask for it. We barely talk about it with each other! We don’t need to appear soft. We don’t want to risk a girl’s response to our weakness.
What is it?
It is the energy of a delicate, pores and skin-to-pores and skin contact of female recognition and approval.
When a woman calmly grazes the quit of her little finger throughout any part of a man’s body and gives a verbal or non-verbal vote of confidence or support, his world changes at that instant.
A World of Men Speak About This Power
These are real examples of how men across the globe describe it. In every case I can hear their clenched voice of vulnerability trying to sound “strong” as they speak. Just for fun, try to imagine their accents as you read these.
“She reached over during the movie and put her hand on my knee and looked at me and smiled and said ‘I’m happy you brought us here, thank you.’ “
“She slapped me on the butt and giggled and called me ‘stud’ “
“She scratched the top of my head for about two minutes and didn’t say anything. It was awesome.”
“She touched my elbow and whispered, ‘You’re such a good father and a sweet man, I love that about you.’ “
“When I told her about my idea for a better vacation spot she grabbed my arm and said, ‘I f#cking love you!’ “
“She just reached across the car seat and scratched the back of my head softly as I drove. It’s intoxicating.”
“She spooned her cold butt into me and said, ‘Oh baby you’re always so warm’ ” (okay, that one was mine)
Why Men Can’t Tell Women about This Power
It’s simple. We think women will think it’s silly.
It’s not “manly”. Too vulnerable.
Women might laugh at the notion that their words and touch could cause a lump in our throats. Even if we try to explain it, they might just roll their eyes along with a big “puh-lease!”
The most common reason husbands feel like they can’t talk about it is because their wives have already proven they aren’t interested or can’t handle it.
In her brilliant article, “I Am the Patriarchy“, Jonalyn Grace Fincher listed 17 shining examples of how women refuse to let men be vulnerable. The article continued the discussion Brene Brown started in her book, Daring Greatly, where she addresses male vulnerability.
“We ask men to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In these moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart”
(Brene Brown, Daring Greatly).
What most women don’t know is that just reading this list can make a grown man cry. These things happen on a daily basis for many husbands who don’t dare discuss them. Here is Jonalyn’s starter-kit list for women.
- Believing my husband is substandard when I have to do manual labor due to his absence/illness/unavailability. e.g. snow shoveling.
- Avoiding eye contact when he admits feeling overwhelmed.
- Taking over when he seems to fumble.
- Assuming his emotional absence (shut down) is normal and natural for men and refusing to pursue his feelings.
- Showing embarrassment when he’s afraid.
- Expecting him to shoulder the hardest work (emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually) without complaint.
- Never asking him what he’s afraid of.
- Refusing to offer him the understanding and sympathy I offer my girlfriends when he’s overwhelmed.
- Expecting him to tolerate more criticism than a woman.
- Growing quickly impatient when he doesn’t demonstrate mastery over a project: from booking social events, to filing our taxes, to fixing the kitchen sink.
- Becoming business-like and cold when he asks for help.
- Knowing our girlfriend’s needs and wants more than we know our own husband’s.
- Hiding his mistakes from our kids, as if they (like me) cannot handle him being vulnerable.
- Expecting him to have more strength than I do.
- Expecting him to shoulder more grunt-work.
- Expecting him to “man-up” (whatever that means) when I want him to do something unpleasant.
- Expecting him (when you’re both equally fire-arm trained) to inspect every scary sound in the house and calling him names (even in your head) when he shows hesitation.
What to do With This Information
For the Women: You have more personal influence and power in your relationship than you know. Your ability to inspire feelings of confidence and well-being in your man is available to you at all times – every minute of every day. What might you stop doing today and start doing tomorrow that could change his world in an instant? You have this secret power – why wouldn’t you use it?
For the Men: Admit it. You want pinky power. You love pinky power. Her touch of approval and acceptance is a gift you want more than sex. If we’re honest, those are the feelings we seek through sex, aren’t they? Don’t be ashamed of your needs and vulnerability. Stand proud in your manly desire for her pinky power. Explain it without apology or fear. Find out what HER version of pinky power is from you. Then apply generously.